Almost as cool as the Apocalypse
So we were in mass one day and I was like thinking, ‘Dude it’s Sunday, what am I gonna do in six days?’ Then Father O’Donell turned to me and he was like, ‘Peter, we can hear you, now shut up and pray.’
So I bowed my head in shame and to the good Lord I asked, again. In prayer, a flash of light blinded me, but only allegorically because my eyes were shut and you can’t really be blinded if you see in your mind, at least that’s what Sgt. Pepper told me.
And this brilliance came to me, it was sort of like seeing Ziggy Stardust in that dream I once had but not quite cause this dude looked like an apostle and while I admit both resemble semi-hot girls, this one didn’t have as much make-up on.
And he revealed himself as St. John, the Holy Patron of Parties (not to be mistaken with St. Jon, the Holy Patron of Pussies), and he disclosed onto me:
Revelation Rave 06:12
“This day shall be known as Revelation Rave.
Led and funded by my messengers, the Party Engineers, Revelation Rave is a congregation of like-minded restless souls who seek to transcend the earthly definitions of mad-ass-fuck-no-you-can’t-do-that-here-parties.
I have cleared thy Beach of St. John’s Island, for only upon my sands can true transcension, transgression, progression, erection, dysfunction happen. And only upon my sands have we booked the venue.
Bring your brothers in arms, and with them, your food and your spirits and your intoxicating liquids and your womenfolk, yes the womenfolk, in whom these liquids are to be shared with; and be merry, for in merriment St. Jon (the Holy Patron of Pussies) will bless thee.
Worry not, about thy pelf. This congregation seeks only S$15 for thy return ferry ticket, of which my messengers will provide thee. Offer generous tidings to charity, a nifty S$10 and above will manifest itself into a bucket of love. In sainthood a bucket is a tidy sum, a tidy sum of intoxicating liquids and uh, love.
And son, be ardent upon your devotion to this day and especially towards its sanctity. For there shall naught be the presence of your narcotics, hallucinogens, opioids, deliriants, barbiturates and benzodiazepines. Only this I forbid of you, for it dampens raptures as mentioned in Revelation Verve: The Drugs Don’t Work.
Remember child, Saturday, 6 December 2008, ‘tis the coming of the new dawn.
No martyrs allowed. No sinners nor trippers nor poppers nor hip-hoppers nor unmerry-makers. But maybe a few strippers. . . ”
And in the same radiant flash, he left me. I opened my eyes and I must have been speaking in tongues or something when this happened cause the whole congregation was like staring at me. And then I found my hand in my pants and understood why.
But it didn’t matter, I was illuminated.
Disclaimer: This piece is partly fictional. There is no such person as Father O’Donell.
-written by Airina
These however, are true:
Date:6th December 2008
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* Event is INVITE ONLY. Tickets are not sold on that day. For those who arrive without a ticket, you may not be able to board the ferry. However, you could take the public ferry at official timings (separate return trip).
**Mixers will be provided. In appreciation of your contribution towards our fund-raising efforts, we’ll reward you with a bucket of booze! 10 dollars and above only. No treats for cheap tits.
